Take Back Your Power!

A recent phenomenon is occurring in our society. Women are willingly giving away their power for the sake of love or family or money. I know a few sistas out there who have been in a one-sided relationship for years. Take Su-Ann. She's a 30 something executive, makes six figures, is college educated, childless, beautiful, and miserable. Why? Well, girlfriend has been living with Charles for the past 6 years with no ring in sight. They met in college, dated, broke up, and reconnected. My point is: what's the problem? Oh, yeah. He owns his own lucrative building service, has had numerous affairs, has given her an STD and wait for it.....has a 4 year old with a jump off. Yet, Su-Ann is still hanging on for a huge sparkler like what her other friends have.

Meet Cherry. Twenty-five, has one child by Raymond, has less than 12 hours to go until her degree is finished, slightly overweight and again, a beautiful woman. She and her boyfriend have been together 3 years. He's a high school dropout, has a criminal record for dealing, and is unemployed. She works as an account rep to bring home the bacon that he eats up. They've had a rocky start and he's known to be verbally and physically abusive towards her. He's told her numerous times that he wasn't the marrying kind. Yet, ole girl is still hoping she can change him.

Dina has been dating Jay for nearly 5 years. Although he insists that he hasn't cheated on her since the first time when they'd been dating for just a year, he's been spotted with several different women around town. One of them even confronted Dina at a restaurant. She's high school educated, has some college under her belt, but no degree. Is 40 years old, no children and works as a field rep for a local educational company. Although she makes good money, she lives with Jay who's a supervisor for a chemical plant. He makes considerably more than she does. However, if she wanted to, she could be comfortable on her own. Jay, on the other hand, says they'll get married...someday.

The common thread in all of these "relationships" is that the women have given away their power. They've taken years that they cannot get back and thrown them to swine, literally. If a man tells you that he doesn't want to get married or is stalling...move the hell on. If he's beating you...again, move on! Cheating on you? Move on! Got an STD or baby mama drama? Move on..yesterday! The problem I see with so many women is that they willingly, blindly, and helplessly relinquish their God-given ability to create their own happiness. Some stay in unhealthy relationships out of fear of being alone. Some stay because of the money or image. Others stay because of the kids. Yet, some stay out of love. Or a combination of them all.
The problem: how can you love another if you don't love yourself, first?


I remember listening to my grandmother about how she stayed in an abusive marriage for nearly 20 years for the sake of the kids. Any woman who does this is causing irreparable harm to their kids. They'll grow up thinking that this is the way normal people operate, girls will learn from an early age that they don't matter and boys will see the behavior as manly. Thus, perpetuating the same, sorry cycle!

I'm calling on all women to stand up for yourselves. Take back your power. Remember, no one can make you happy more than yourself. Healthy relationships complement, not complete you. We're already complete and equipped for greatness when we're born. No man can make you whole or should have to define you, especially if you know your true nature: shaped and created in His image.

Take back your power. Being a side chick, or jump off, or baby mama is not what you were created for. It's time for us as women to realize the power within and become much more than what some man thinks of us.

10 Reasons He Ain't "The One"

Heart Image & Heart Broken Pictures
Recently, I went to court to support a loved one in obtaining a protective order. Although, she's no longer dating this person (it was over 2 years ago), this person has resorted to stalking. As I was sitting and listening to the various horror stories of the female victims, I got this revelation: at least a third of the guys out there are LUNATICS! Some of these women had been chased with guns, had suffered miscarriages due to beatings they received, and had been mentally and physically scarred by those professing to love them. My friend's stalker hasn't done anything as drastic. He has, however, driven by her church, her workplace, and written her letters. He's delusional. To all my ladies out there..remember that love doesn't hurt! To all my male readers: if someone doesn't want you anymore, just move on! There are other fish in the sea. Besides, violating protective orders results in either your imprisonment or a deathwish. I know too many women who'd had enough and protected themselves and their families at the highest cost (to their tormentors). This is a repost. Enjoy and reflect....


Ten Reasons Why He Ain't "The One"

It's a new year and I've had time to reflect on a few things. I've heard about and experienced dating 'disasters' that could have been avoided. Just the other day, a good friend of mine was nearly inconsolable over the demise of her long-term relationship. At first I thought she was going through a seasonal depression. However, after reminiscing longer, I realized that she and I had both played this scene various times. So, right then and there, I helped her to resolve to date better, live better, and most importantly, love (herself) better. I know that no one can make another grown-up do anything. I do believe in leading by example, though. Hopefully, she (and every woman who reads this) will finally realize that we must be true to our own selves, first. I may be single, but I'm in no hurry to rush into a relationship where soul ties are harder to break. Here you will find several indications to why he ain't "The One". There are many reasons why we (women) settle..especially when it comes to relationships. Life is too short to live it in mediocrity. Everyone deserves a bit of happiness. Practice, indeed, makes perfect. My mantra: Live 2011 to my fullest...I hope my readers will, too.




1. He says he loves you, but you (or your kids) have to wear long sleeves to hide the bruises.

First, it began with him being a little overly protective. You thought it was cute. It progressed to a push or shove here and there. You chalked it up to his being frustrated. Next, he slapped you! Get my point, yet? You cannot change another person! Even his ex-girlfriend advised you that he was 'physical' with her. And you thought she was just hatin'....really, now????!!!

Loser Image & Loser Pictures


2. You're working 3 jobs while he stays home playing video games (or watching tv).

Yeah, I knowwwww. He was laid off (6 months ago). Yet, each time you give him a job lead or classifieds sections of the newspaper, he shrugs it off, says that he doesn't have bus fare or clean clothes to get to the interview. Or he needs to stay near the phone in case his former job calls him (because he doesn't have a cell phone and they can only get in touch with him via the house phone). Worse still, he AND his buddies have been at your house ALL day. BTW..are you ready to start dinner because he's starving?

3. He's over the age 25 and still has no valid profession.
He's barely high school educated. He got his GED 2 years ago. (I'm not knocking GEDs. Education is fundamental). He doesn't want to go to college because he 'doesn't want to be around kids'. He's had various construction jobs and fast food jobs in the last 5 years.

4. He blames the world, the man, and you for his failures.
He has weekly rants about how unfair the system is, how the MAN has held him back, and his momma shoulda raised him better. Really, now? First, he's a high school dropout. Second, he has served some time for 'youthful indiscretions'. Third, he DOESN'T want to go back to school. Fourth, his momma was a single parent with 4 kids. Each one of his siblings graduated college and are professionals, making money, AND taking care of momma! Doesn't he realize that one's own self is the greatest obstacle to any challenge?

5. He owes so much back child support that you'll both be collecting SSI before he's in the clear.
When you met him he told you he had a child. Fact is, he has 6 kids (under 18) with 3 different women. Go figure....sista, you should be running for the hills as you read this!

6. He stays with or in his parents basement (and he's not a student).
When he's not staying with you, he has an open reservation at momma's house. Just in case you start trippin'.

7. He has a drinking, smoking, or drug problem (that he can 'kick anytime').
You said that you didn't want a smoker or drinker or drug addict. He makes a beeline to the beer aisle as soon as you get to the grocery store. He asks you for money for bus fare. Yet, you find out that he spent it on beer or cigarettes. You or your child have asthma. Yet, he continues to smoke around you. Didn't the Christmas breakfast of Grey Goose and Smirnoff tip you off to his problem? I guess not...

8. Your family and friends see negative changes in you.
You seem distant to your friends and family. You don't attend family functions or outings with your friends anymore. You missed your high school reunion because HE was sick! You're always depressed and despondent.

9. You have compromised (or always compromising) your core values to be with him.
You're always giving him money. And you never thought you'd have to take care of a grown man! You lie and make excuses for his behavior. You don't even attend church like you used to. You've lied to his PO about his whereabouts last week. Need I go on???

10. He embarrasses or berates you in public (this can be grouped with #1) or is constantly finding fault in you.
He got really loud with you at the grocery store. He called you fat in front of his friends. He's constantly making suggestions that you need to wear make-up or lose weight or cook better.

(Next entry will include more reasons....stay tuned!)

WTF??? She Got a Degree in Welfare Check Acquisition? (I'm Just Sayin')

Ok...we've all SEEN it. The line in the express lane is being held up by a woman with three baskets of groceries. Oops, I'm sorry. I meant to say baskets of chips, soda, cereal, and cookies. And, oh yeah, I forgot the obligatory packs of hot dogs! She and her 20 kids are getting a little rowdy because the cashier is moving a little bit too slowly.

I'm not targeting the sistas out there who fit the bill of 'welfare queen'. Believe me, I've seen dozens of women of various racial backgrounds doing the same thing, too! What eats me up is the total lack of sense when it comes to feeding their families. If the government gave me $600/month in food stamps and some AFDC, I wouldn't have my child in Nikes while living on Section 8. I wouldn't be adding to the bottom (pun intended) lines. Has anyone seen the rate of obesity in this country? Truly, it is an epidemic of great proportions (again, pun intended).
Mothers (especially those benefiting from my tax dollars), pleeaaassse, I repeat, PLEASE throw some fresh fruit, whole grains, greens, and healthier meat choices into those baskets!

Don't buy the tubs of lard that killed our grandmothers. Olive oil is extremely healthy. I don't see why spending $5 on a bottle of it is any worse than using that same money on bags of unhealthy cookies. If only I could book some of your children for an episode of Maury Povich: "My 30 lb fetus is demanding that I feed it". I would be a millionaire by the next day. Seriously, people! If we don't get our obesity rates down (starting with our kids) then we risk losing a major portion of our future workforce. After all, really sick people cannot work.

Another point: we're feeding our children low quality and processed foods. Surely, that can't feed their brains. Thus, we slip further behind other nations in producing academic pros. To all the critics who say it can't be done, here's a tidbit from my own personal files...my mom raised three girls, single-handedly. I remember us all riding more than two buses to get to the better grocery stores. My own grandmother would come to my city twice a month just to bring us boxes of organic fruits, vegetables, and fresh meat (all from her farm/ranch). Yeah, I know, organic foods are a bit expensive. But then again, look at the trade-off. Pay now for high quality or suffer later from lack of it. I digress....let me get back to my point.

What about the women who've gotten welfare down to a science? They know how much each pregnancy is worth in cold, hard cash. Instead of learning a vocation, they and their unemployed boyfriends (or baby daddies) sit back, play with the latest Wii, and wait until the 1st of the month for state aid. As soon as those checks come in, it is down to the nearest hair/nail salon and/or purchasing the latest kicks for their men. My Lawd, my Lawd! People when will we learn?

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a system in place that required all able-bodied people on welfare to attain , at least, an associate's degree or vocational certificate? With their uncanny ability to wrangle Uncle Sam, I'm sure that they have the brainpower to get an education. I'm just sayin'!

If anyone can tell this grad student how to eat and live free off the government, I'd pay you with the excess proceeds.....I'm just sayin'!






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