A recent phenomenon is occurring in our society. Women are willingly giving away their power for the sake of love or family or money. I know a few sistas out there who have been in a one-sided relationship for years. Take Su-Ann. She's a 30 something executive, makes six figures, is college educated, childless, beautiful, and miserable. Why? Well, girlfriend has been living with Charles for the past 6 years with no ring in sight. They met in college, dated, broke up, and reconnected. My point is: what's the problem? Oh, yeah. He owns his own lucrative building service, has had numerous affairs, has given her an STD and wait for it.....has a 4 year old with a jump off. Yet, Su-Ann is still hanging on for a huge sparkler like what her other friends have.
Meet Cherry. Twenty-five, has one child by Raymond, has less than 12 hours to go until her degree is finished, slightly overweight and again, a beautiful woman. She and her boyfriend have been together 3 years. He's a high school dropout, has a criminal record for dealing, and is unemployed. She works as an account rep to bring home the bacon that he eats up. They've had a rocky start and he's known to be verbally and physically abusive towards her. He's told her numerous times that he wasn't the marrying kind. Yet, ole girl is still hoping she can change him.
Dina has been dating Jay for nearly 5 years. Although he insists that he hasn't cheated on her since the first time when they'd been dating for just a year, he's been spotted with several different women around town. One of them even confronted Dina at a restaurant. She's high school educated, has some college under her belt, but no degree. Is 40 years old, no children and works as a field rep for a local educational company. Although she makes good money, she lives with Jay who's a supervisor for a chemical plant. He makes considerably more than she does. However, if she wanted to, she could be comfortable on her own. Jay, on the other hand, says they'll get married...someday.
The common thread in all of these "relationships" is that the women have given away their power. They've taken years that they cannot get back and thrown them to swine, literally. If a man tells you that he doesn't want to get married or is stalling...move the hell on. If he's beating you...again, move on! Cheating on you? Move on! Got an STD or baby mama drama? Move on..yesterday! The problem I see with so many women is that they willingly, blindly, and helplessly relinquish their God-given ability to create their own happiness. Some stay in unhealthy relationships out of fear of being alone. Some stay because of the money or image. Others stay because of the kids. Yet, some stay out of love. Or a combination of them all.
The problem: how can you love another if you don't love yourself, first?
I remember listening to my grandmother about how she stayed in an abusive marriage for nearly 20 years for the sake of the kids. Any woman who does this is causing irreparable harm to their kids. They'll grow up thinking that this is the way normal people operate, girls will learn from an early age that they don't matter and boys will see the behavior as manly. Thus, perpetuating the same, sorry cycle!
I'm calling on all women to stand up for yourselves. Take back your power. Remember, no one can make you happy more than yourself. Healthy relationships complement, not complete you. We're already complete and equipped for greatness when we're born. No man can make you whole or should have to define you, especially if you know your true nature: shaped and created in His image.
Take back your power. Being a side chick, or jump off, or baby mama is not what you were created for. It's time for us as women to realize the power within and become much more than what some man thinks of us.
